like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
