4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
