Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
