Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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