she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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