I just made out with a guy for $7.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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