A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
