We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it's like heaven, but drunker
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize