i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
