um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
