he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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