I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
