my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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