Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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