I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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