there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
