Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Where is the hickey?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
