i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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