i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
