I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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