Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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