oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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