Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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