Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My ass is underappreciated
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
