I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
