I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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