if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
