couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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