He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
