Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
