I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
