last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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