so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
