I can tuck mytits in my pants
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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