I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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