Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
