Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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