I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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