I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
