im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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