she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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