we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
