I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
