i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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