next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
