Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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