I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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