I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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