So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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