yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
