I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
