it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
