my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize