i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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