Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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