when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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