i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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