Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
