Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
