awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
