i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
