my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
