Dual....:-)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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