So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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