would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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